Gifting Connection: An Attention Project
Almost everyone has—or will eventually have—a child in their life they care about. And there’s a good chance some of them won’t be in your life day to day. If you don’t see them often, how will you show them you care? That you’re part of their world?
In many cases, we default to sending gifts. But are the gifts we’re giving to kids… just commodities? Or are we building something that can keep growing—a relationship, a connection, a sense of security, a future memory? Acts of attention, rather than objects of accumulation? These are the questions that Tao Tao Holmes explored in her thesis, Gifting Connection: An Attention Project.
Within the scope of Tao Tao’s thesis, a “good gift” is
something that builds a relationship between an adult and a kid.
A gift, as defined by Merriam Webster, is “something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation.” It might be used to show favor, honor an occasion, or provide assistance. And it may or may not involve an expectation of reciprocity.
When we buy a kid a gift, are we building a connection, or simply promoting a commodity?
Most modern American gifting takes place within a dyad: that is, a group of two, the smallest possible social group. Today’s gifting dyad is now deeply embedded within our consumer landscape. Last year, Americans spent $24B on gifts, a number that’s expected to reach $37B by 2032.
There’s plenty of literature when it comes to adult gifting dyads, exploring topics such as errors in gift-giving, gift card design, and the evolution of gift registries. However, despite the amount that is produced and spent on gifts for kids, there’s limited literature on the subject.
Tao Tao spoke with experts across retail, design, and academia, and found that neither the short-term nor long-term goals and effects of gifting to children have been formally studied.
Through three design explorations, along a spectrum of physical proximity, Tao Tao sought to create gifts that build and nurture adult-kid relationships in different ways.
Bunky: The Gift of Attention & Presence
Tao Tao’s explorations began with the immediate present: when an adult and a kid are together in person. However, physical presence is only one half the puzzle; our mental presence is more splintered than ever—with one outsized culprit. Meet Bunky: a bunk bed for smartphones. What began as a provocation—a place to "tuck your phone in"—became something more: a site of play and shared accountability.
Tao Tao sent prototypes home with a few families. However, there was a hitch—she didn’t want Bunky to become just another novelty-turned-abandoned-object. The goal wasn’t just less screen time. More importantly it was about shared accountability, ritual, and mutual care.
So she changed Bunky from a prefab object into a DIY kit.
Now, the very first step is a shared activity: building and decorating, customizing it as yours. She also added a series of storybooks, about phones and other creatures who need a nap. This way, Bunky can become a part of—or catalyst for—story time.
Make-A-Holiday: The Gift of Time & Future Tradition
Make-A-Holiday, is an app that helps you gift a future memory — making time visible, and committing to it.
Make-A-Holiday guides the user through the steps of creating an extra-special holiday for an extra-special kiddo. In addition to helping the user name their holiday and send an awesome digital invitation, users can opt in for support in planning activities for the actual day.
Tao Tao ran six user testing sessions. During one of them, her user, Rachel (from Queens, New York) said, “I love this. If this existed I would have absolutely done this for my niece's birthday, where I literally was like, I don't know what to get her.”
“I love this — if this existed I would have absolutely done this for my niece's birthday, where I literally was like I don't know what to get her.” - Rachel B. (Queens, NY)
With Make-A-Holiday, an adult can give the gift of time and tradition.
Pencil Pals: The Gift of Creativity & Anticipation
But what about the time in between Thanksgiving and Dinos & Donuts Day? What about the ordinary, ongoing threads that keep a relationship alive, even from a distance? These questions led to Tao Tao’s third and final project: Pencil Pals: a guided drawing exchange by mail.
What about the ordinary, ongoing threads that keep a relationship alive, even from a distance?
Tao Tao started by testing the concept with her six-year-old neighbor, Jonas. She left him a prompt, and he’d return his drawing with a new prompt for her. And they kept going… creating a loop of shared curiosity, anticipation, and imagination.
To test the concept further, Tao Tao created a microsite and staged a public activation, inviting passersby to browse an array of prompts written by Jonas, and then hopefully grab a pencil and draw a response. She also provided “mini mail kits” (aka prototypes) to anyone who wanted to send their drawing to a friend. The kits came with a pre-stamped, pre-addressed envelope, to make the full exchange as frictionless as possible.
Tao Tao then sent out more mini prototypes to friends, former colleagues, relatives, and budding acquaintances. In the process, she gathered feedback and gained additional users—and while her thesis is over, she’s continuing to experiment with and expand the concept! You can follow Pencil Pals on Instagram.
Want to try out Pencil Pals? Send a DM or email taotao.holmes@gmail.com.
For a deeper look into Tao Tao’s thesis process, research, and reflections, explore the following links:
Thesis Repository on Notion – a comprehensive archive of Tao Tao’s thesis development
Thesis Blogposts on Medium – extended reflections and insights